And The Hits Keep Coming

It is a snowy blizzard today...nothing like the gentle peace of this picture. I needed some serenity so I chose this photo. 

 I was substitute today for a sick teacher of younger kiddos and it was a busy but fun day. They kept me hopping. Then finally the end of the day and the last child left for home. I was putting the last touches on the class room in preparation for tomorrow and had just started to reach for my coat when my phone rang. I reached for it thinking that someone must be stuck in the snow or having car problems in this bad weather but it wasn't either of those. It was the hospital calling.

 Saturday I had gone in for my twenty year mammogram. I was already celebrating inside. I just hadn't said anything to anyone yet waiting for the letter I always get 7- 10 days after. 

 No. I haven't had breast cancer before, but 22 years ago right after I gave birth to my daughter they found cervical cancer. And it was the breast cancer gene. Six months later when pregnant (SURPRISE!!!) with my son they found ovarian cancer surrounding my right ovary. So I had to have a radical hysterectomy right after he was born and since I've had two of the three "female" cancer's and one of them had the breast cancer gene I started having regular mammograms and was told by 3 specialists I had a 98% chance of getting breast cancer within 5 - 8 years. 

So being 20 years out I had started feeling like I was free and clear. But today the hospital called to say my mammogram came back abnormal. I was shocked, stunned, horrified... I kept thinking, "I can't do this again!" "I can't do another hard thing right now!" "I can't go through this without James!" "When will the hits quit coming!?" 

And so I calmly made my appointment to have another mammy and an ultrasound "as soon as possible" like the Dr. ordered. Then hung up and sobbed on the teachers desk for a while. Then realized that not only can I do "this" whatever it may be. I don't really have a choice and that God will walk through it with me even without James here to talk me through it, hug me and comfort me with his warmth, gentle voice and big, comforting, solid, self. 

So. I drove home and decided to write it all out and get on with life. After all there are bills to be paid, snow to be shoveled and supper to be cooked.