How can it be your Birthday and you not be here? I thought I was doing pretty well handling you being gone by taking it one day at a time like my Mamaw used to sing.
I mean I got us all thorough our youngest's 20th Birthday a week after your funeral by inviting all his friends and throwing him a big party and making sure everyone ate, laughed and had a good time for a couple of hours.
Then came Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday and we slid through that one because of work schedules and other family commitments by Mathew so Andrew and I spent Thanksgiving Day doing prep work and eating smoked Italian Sausages. Non-Holiday on purpose. So, by the next day when we had our big meal it didn't feel so bad. Almost not even Thanksgiving.
Then Christmas came screaming up and I thought a few times I might run screaming the other way! We didn't put up any decorations except all the cards people sent. We hung those around the door frame. And we had a bad weather day plus Wyatt was sick so they didn't even come in and your brother Danny had truck issues, so he didn't make it, it so it ended up being Andrew, Mathew and his family and I... a quiet afternoon.
New year's I was at church then came my birthday and the ladies all took me out to lunch... One more holiday without you down.
Now it's your day and I am missing you! I want to cook you steak and eggs for breakfast and bake you a red velvet cake 'cause it is your favorite even though neither one of us need cake.
It is so weird wondering if I will be the only one who will remember that today is your birthday. I wonder who will be thinking of you today besides me. You died 17 Sundays ago. I wake up every Sunday morning and add another week to the time I've had to live without you.
I just wanted to say I love you; I miss you and Happy Birthday my Sweetheart...
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